• Victor J. Roth

Splatter Café's Book Review of COWS by Matthew Stokoe!

Updated: Dec 5, 2020

Ladies and gentlemen, monsters and freaks, bloodsuckers, motherfuckers, weirdos, and geeks, to the queer and the strange, and for those who hang out in graves, welcome to the first official book review of the Splatter Cafe! I'm your host, Victor J. Roth.

I highly suggest you tread on the side of caution when reading this review, but especially if you decide to read Matthew Stokoe's COWS, holy shit, you're in for a disgusting, depraved journey.

I'm going to give you the synopsis in which after you've read it will have painted quite the nasty little picture in your head.

Steven is a 25-year-old man who lives in a decaying flat with his grotesque mother, who he refers to as the Hagbeast. His only companion in this wretched life is Dog, who his mother crippled it by bashing its hind legs with a brick.

The Hagbeast employs her sickening motherly love by feeding Steven a unique style of cuisine in hopes of one day killing her only son.

Steven begins to fall ill slowly each day as he sits up in his bedroom, left watching humans, and their perfect lives on the television. He begins to daydream of what it would be like to be safe, to be loved, to be happy.

In the apartment upstairs, Lucy spends her nights searching for the toxins she knows are collecting inside her body, desperate to rid herself of them. When she enlists Steven's help to manipulate a piece of invasive medical apparatus, he begins to see that a better life might indeed be possible. Lucy could be his partner, and they could make a home together, they could have a baby. They could be just like the folks on TV.

But that would mean surviving his nightly poisonings. That would mean killing his mother–no mean feat after suffering under her sadistic hand for years. Fortunately, a new job at the local slaughterhouse introduces Steven to Cripps, an insane foreman who preaches the gospel of self-empowerment through killing. It's here as Steven works in the slaughterhouse we see shit becomes even more bizarre and fucked up through the slaughter of cows.

Quote from Cripps:

Killing is an act of self-realization, it shows a man the truth of his power. And when you know this, boy, the pettiness they try to shackle us with falls away like shit. Killing frees you to live as you should.

Steven's path is now clear, his mission set in motion; it's goodbye Hagbeast. But wait. It gets even stranger. Steven discovers cows are living under the city, and when they come for him, he sets his sights a whole lot higher, more depraved.

This novel is one of the most depraved, original, grotesque stories I've ever read. Despite the hard-hitting gore-filled scenes, this visceral book is brilliant and thought-provoking. It's well written. It's the kind of book that makes you filthy for reading it and fucking demented for enjoying it. I couldn't put it down because I wanted to see what fucked thing Matthew Stokoe would subject my mind to next.

It will make you reconsider eating beef as you read it (if you're not already a vegan). But I had a lovely barbecued steak a few days after finishing the book. LOL.

You can pick up a copy by clicking on the cover!

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